I’ve got 65 days till I have to give the talk to the masses
and 73 days before I have to
give birth submit this mothathesis
granted, I should be way ahead of my game at the moment but to be honest I am seriously lagging behind
“I have two months, there’s time yeah?”
“yeah, I think so”
hmm, not so much of a reassurance there but May is here and it’s going to be a friggin’ long one
I have started lists of books/places/things I want to do/learn/see after I’m done
and the list is evergrowing
and on top of that list is to get out of being in limbo and land myself a job
the way I see it, some things I can’t control and that is in a way inevitable, that’s life right?
you can’t control everything
so here’s to embracing being out of control and hoping for the best.
I have to admit, I was a skeptic at first. When stressed, I usually go into total-hermit mode, i.e. a complete opposite to the weekend I had. It was pretty much a room full of grad students who were typing furiously for hours. I picked a corner with windows (people watching when that roadbock hits). But hey, I won’t lie, I was anxious hearing all these strokes happening on Friday arvo. “dayum, you typing that much?!” – seriously, the kph (keystrokes per hour) were ridic. I felt pressured to keep up but I was sooo slow. I bet a snail sliding on my keyboard would be heaps faster (okei, slightly exaggerating there heh). But surprisingly, I got about 1.6k down on that arvo. Fast forward to Sunday night, I had over 11k words/brain farts down on Word. The trick is to just write, no grammar checks, no ref checks, just write what you have in that brain. What was cute is that for every 5k we got down, we get a lego brick and best part they are squeezable ones! (the kid in me was happy as a clam lol). Overall, I was (1) shocked that I had that much info stored (no wonder it’s a jungle in there *ba dnk tss*), (2) that typing noise turned therapeutic later and weirdly was in sync with the playlist I had on spotify, which was pretty much rain sounds, I was in the zone man and (3) after so long being lost in the dark, I can say that I see the light, I mean it’s just a glimpse but man, if that glimpse feels this good, I can only imagine how amazeballs it’ll feel when I’m actually in the frigging light. I don’t know how to describe it, but I feel like a huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders, it is as if I’m walking on clouds (fo’ realsies). For once in what feels like forever, I felt like things are beginning to click, like the end is so much more possible right now. So here’s to a fresh start to the ending of a chapter 🙂
I took myself out on a proper date as a treat (treat yoself). I had a really good chai and probably one of the best mushroom dishes I’ve had in a very long time. One thing I like about the culture here is that, it is not weird at all to be eating alone or shopping alone or doing anything alone. To be honest, I find it quite therapeutic. I mean, you get to completely be with your thoughts, really savouring every sip and every bite. . I’m not trying to be anti-social but I think it’s healthy to have that time alone. You kinda appreciate things a wee bit more. I’ve also been getting friendly to the idea of being out of social media. I’ve tried it out for over 2 weeks, primarily because homegurl has no self-control but it feels somewhat liberating? I get why people do it, to keep up with their friends etc, to know what’s going on and to just be in the know. But quite frankly, being in the know all the time is a bit much for me. Maybe it’s because I just have no time (currently) to be constantly in the know (fak is this the age talking?). But then again, I was never one who is comfortable being in the spotlight *shrugs*
this song makes no sense to me but the vibes are literally me since the weekend
you know what’s scary?
I mean sure, it can be exciting so to speak
the whole sense of wonder about the what ifs (tralala, who knows what is going to happen next)
but on the other side, it can be overwhelming
and it can come to a point of being completely debilitating
I am at a point where there are a million of uncertainties (fak, not kidding man)
in less than a year, I’d be in limbo
and man, that’s just basically uncertaintyland
and it can be hell for a
control freako planner that I am
so macam mana?