organic | mm18

so I started drinking coffee a couple of days ago
that's if you consider mocha as coffee
but a start is a start
I guess I was looking for a buzz
to keep me going for these final few hurdles (shrug)
not working though (shrug^2)

*

I downloaded (insert dating app) for the umpteenth time
because (1) I got bored and (2) let's see, maybe things are different now

(shuffles through profiles)
"you know you're not going to get anywhere with you swiping left all the time"
"but everything is so vanilla it's like I'm staring at a blank piece of white paper"

and of course you get those people which you wish you could do a 180 degree eyeroll if you could

meh

deleted for the umpteenth time
because (1) I got bored and (2) no, things are not different these times

"I wish I could just meet people organically"
"that's also not going to happen if you don't go out"

but entah, I am quite jaded (based on previous experiences and my innate scepticism)

so yes, not gonna get anywhere (kiv)

*

way too obsessed with this jam 😍

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almost

so these past few weeks have been challenging (in terms of getting this thesis done)
I mean, on paper it seems easy enough, write – edit – polish
rinse and repeat
that is all there is to it
but it’s just been so long and am just really fatigued and demotivated I suppose
I have to/need to change this mindset
failure only begins when you stop trying right? (cheezeh)

so am just gonna “do do do” (that’s what mum says)

and then she tells me to just pray for the best and that things are going to be okay

in the midst of all of this, I find myself feeling guilty for not being able to be there for the people around me as much as they need me and/or as much as I want to
and today one of my phd cohort-mates was saying that
“our minds are not free”
and it makes perfect sense
my mind is not free because I have this thesis hanging above my head the whole dang time

but as my other colleague puts it “gotta learn to love it”

so okay, day 1 of loving liking it

baby steps aitephd061417s

mm14

it's not Monday, but it is humpday (in my case, everyday is humpday) 🐫 🐫 🐫
3 weeks before I have to send this in
I'm going to make this work
by hook or by crook
just need to focus
and breathe
and soldier on

here we go.

*

two weekends ago, I had the opportunity to witness one of my best friend's niqah and I have to say, I love weddings
not because of the food or deco
but try and
strip back all the glitz, glamour, makeup, adat etc
here you have two people who have made a conscious decision to be partners for life and more
and I think that is just so wonderful (cheesy I know but come on man)

highlights for me:
– being the MOH
– first time merenjis (EVER)
– kellogs reuniting (we were in shades of red)
– last but most importantly: best friend marrying her soulmate

– was also featured in the niqah video where of course, yours truly cried while giving her speech – immortalised forever ha.

*

okay back to workworkwork

muddatweetuh

snapseed-2

one of my fondest memories is being back on the island
we always stayed at the same resort
with that big windmill upfront, adorned in red, yellow and white
colours so bright that are so characteristically belonging to that island
the island is riddled with bright coloured houses like this one
through the lobby, there is a small swimming pool with blue striped lazy chairs aligning the borders. More often than not, you can see iguanas just enjoying the heat or even taking a swim in the pool
you could smell the fresh island breeze and feel the bask of that golden tropical sun
if I could imagine what heaven was like, this would definitely be part of it
among the shrubs, there are these tiny pots filled with sugary water
and you can see these tiny birds taking a sneak drink out of these pots
buzzing through the bar area and the gardens
island life is defo for me.

tbc