almost

so these past few weeks have been challenging (in terms of getting this thesis done)
I mean, on paper it seems easy enough, write – edit – polish
rinse and repeat
that is all there is to it
but it’s just been so long and am just really fatigued and demotivated I suppose
I have to/need to change this mindset
failure only begins when you stop trying right? (cheezeh)

so am just gonna “do do do” (that’s what mum says)

and then she tells me to just pray for the best and that things are going to be okay

in the midst of all of this, I find myself feeling guilty for not being able to be there for the people around me as much as they need me and/or as much as I want to
and today one of my phd cohort-mates was saying that
“our minds are not free”
and it makes perfect sense
my mind is not free because I have this thesis hanging above my head the whole dang time

but as my other colleague puts it “gotta learn to love it”

so okay, day 1 of loving liking it

baby steps aitephd061417s

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No not that Kesha song, though I have to admit that song is catchy as

I got massively overwhelmed a few days ago –
and I hate being caught in that state in public – just seemed so vulnerable and the fact that people often assume that it is just the degree, well fck not, it’s an iceberg situation – I wish it was just that, then it is just normal basal stress, but the actual fact of the matter is that I have so much at stake here, with so many uncertainties 😶

and might I add, so little time 😱