No not that Kesha song, though I have to admit that song is catchy as

I got massively overwhelmed a few days ago –
and I hate being caught in that state in public – just seemed so vulnerable and the fact that people often assume that it is just the degree, well fck not, it’s an iceberg situation – I wish it was just that, then it is just normal basal stress, but the actual fact of the matter is that I have so much at stake here, with so many uncertainties 😶

and might I add, so little time 😱



so am going to this thesis bootcamp thingamabob over the weekend
and I think it’s time (about damn time) to set some rules for myself
from now until the end (so dramatic *law and order’s DN DNN*)

  1.  Operation Ghost: no social media, that includes, FB, IG, SC, TW (been sober for almost 2 weeks, try it guys, kinda liberating)
  2. Operation Ghost 2: limited outings
    – this actually reminded me of the times I go MIA 2-3 weeks before finals, I would totally go ghost on everything and everyone and pop up like the zombie that I have been during the finals, and my friends will say, “ah, you’re alive“, “sup playa”
  3. Limit to 3 episodes per week and perhaps 1 movie (and stop youtubing so much)
  4. EAT CLEAN DAMMIT (I struggle with this)(so bad)(writing/working makes me hungry)(HANGREH)
  5. Try and exercise every day (or every other day)(or twice a week) – status pending


pinky swear/bloodhandshake/yadayada

also on an related/unrelated note, just found out about spotify’s playlist of nature sounds and now I have this playlist of just rain sounds
soooo therapeutic!
it feels like the rain is massaging my brain

ha, rain brain

here’s to start of the end ♥

hold up

I have a borderline obsession with this song and I think Arctic Monkeys did a bad-ass rendition of it.
***Random thoughts I had this week:
1. I really like walking – one thing that is lack back home is the ability to walk like, everywhere. I mean yeah sure, you could walk aimlessly in the countless malls we have back home but I find it is just not the same. 
2. As I’m walking I like to people watch – mainly looking at how a person dresses and such. And I realise that I thought-compliment people. Say I like a person’s shoes/dress/bag – I will be like “OMG GURL, where did you get that? it’s so pretty!” and I’d just say it in my mind while looking/staring at the person in hopes that the person hears me. not weird at all.
3. Summer is definitely my least favourite season – It’s just so hot and sometimes it can be humid af and my hair just turns into a poof. A legit, wild and uncontrollable poof.
4. I detest these smoke walkers especially the subspecies who can walk too fast for me to catch up. ugh you people. Also, mobile zombies. I mean, come on I am so sure that text or whatever could’ve waited until you are off the streets, away 4m the dangers of incoming traffic. aiyo. or maybe this is natural selection at work hahaha.
5. I am not sure how long I can keep all my long-distance relationships for. I guess in a way I am having an existential crisis? I mean I have been here forever and sure it’s been great but sometimes I feel like I’m missing out on things. If someone were to ask me “would you want to settle here” – I’d honestly say “I do not know”
6. I feel jiggly. and not the good kind of jiggly. Is there a good kind of being jiggly? I find it quite amusing and well, depressing at the same time that a number on the scale could either just make your day or completely, break your day. this jigglyness needs to go. I have put on 5 jigglies since 2014. mother….
7. I have a new appreciation for chia seeds. I made this chocolate chia pudding for brekkie this morning and thought it was probably one of the best brekkie I had ever (self puji much haha). The texture was like chocolate mousse, uh healthy breakfast tasting like a dessert? yes please.
8. If I was rollin’ and ballin’ with cash. I would spend it on beauty products. tech/gadgets and travelling – who needs a house kan? ha.
9. In about 5 months I would have been doing this for 3 years. three, friggin’ years. How in the world did that time just pass me by? This baffles me. 
10. It’s almost been a year, and it still feels weird talking about him to people.