konmari

Happy 2019

Happy CNY

two new year days have passed and I have finally made a decision to konmari my life. The second half of 2018 was trying to say the least. I have had to change many things I have been used to. I have had to find ways to assimilate back into what was way back when. And I had to go through some pretty rough patches which really made me question myself (and still am for many reasons). This whole Marie Kondo thing is not a new thing to me. I know of it since the sister started organising her wardrobe and folding her clothes in that KonMari way. And now it has taken the world by storm especially after her NetFlix series. At first it just looked like a fusion between a Hoarders episode and a Home Improvement episode (take your pick, they’re pretty much all the same). But then, if you read more about it, the KonMari method of asking yourself “does this spark joy?” actually holds a lot of value and makes sense.

Throughout life, you would have done a ridiculous among of things, some you were obliged to do, like school and homework and some you actually wanted to do. I started playing the piano when I was 6 because I wanted to. I remember being stressed from school (that obligated thing) and coming home to just play the piano to relieve the stress from school (if only young me could meet an even more stressed out 30 year old me ha). One of my favourite things to do was to search for the latest songs to just to play it (eventually making my sight reading kinda good too). Playing the piano really sparked joy for me. And eventhough it has been a long time since that first day I started playing the piano, it still makes me happy (gives me that warm fuzzy feeling).

Fast forward to my now reality, I have achieved a lot of things, one being the doctorate which really took a village and a whole lot of blood, sweat and tears. The years when I was in grad school also changed the dynamics of my personality which has soured quite a few friendships but made some grow even stronger (sweeter?). I learned to understand my own expectations and manage the expectations of others. I learned that you just cannot win them all and cannot please everyone. You just have to stop and think about what exactly do YOU want in life? Who or what exactly sparks joy? Someone’s idea of the ideal might not be what you find ideal. Someone else’s successes could be not what you are really looking for. And you feel like a failure when you can’t or don’t achieve that ideal or the same level of success. Trust me, I have been in that boat more often than I am willing to admit.

But perhaps following what is the “natural course” of what should happen could probably be not the most ideal way of going about things. The most successful people in this world KNOW what they want. They are rebels, troublemakers, unafraid to be different, and really, being just themselves. Because they know what really sparks joy for them is when they are being the most true to who they are as a person in all aspects of life – it could be a job, a place or a purpose. I used to tell my students that find something that you are passionate about, because passion will drive you forever.

So I guess it is about damn time to just think about what really sparks joy for me.

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maggi ayam

brighton beach | december 2015

I was missing my dad this week
and as I was making my *ehem* dinner tonight which was maggi ayam
I realise that I would kinda make it like how he did it before
he would always “upgrade” the maggi until it even looked better than the picture
added fishcake, some greens, onions/shallots and of course, the default egg
wham bam dinner’s ready mam (ok that was lame)
but so yum
MSG in the maggi must stand for Mmmmm Saahhh Gewwd (okay that was even more lame)
I am killing it tonight lah.

***
Whoa, mid-Jan already
yo Homie, mind pressing the ‘slow’ button for a wee bit there? (like I said, “killing it”)
I started to go to pilates recently
started meaning I’ve only been to two classes in total
and surprisingly I quite like it
it’s the kind of exercise where during the class itself, it feels so calming, you’re relaxed, stretching a bit over there and some over here
and you’re like alright, I can do diz
all is well in kellyville
and then you come back from the class all stretched out and super chill
till the next day, the pain hits you like a mudapaka (!)
all of a sudden, you are somewhat paralysed, mainly in the core area
and you feel like you have a “fake six pack” for a good 2 days
(I do like that feeling oddly)
so am starting to mix it up a bit with all them other classes
the second class though went something like this

instructor: *in a super zen voice* now bend your knees and make sure that your tailbone is sticking straight down
k: “say whaat”
*instructor comes over and fixes me*
k: oh.
instructor: now do this position
k: how the hellll am I gonna do that now – this.is.not.physically.possible.
instructor: now do this
k: alright alright getting the hang of diz (please don’t fart, please don’t fart)

ok I’ll stop there ha.

and cycling of course – 30 km is the record so far (wootz)

this year am gonna be abit selfish and just focus on me, the phd and the bo-d
#opkudan is a go go

also this song – *le chillz*

negative results

is probably the 3rd worst nightmare of a scientist
yeah sure, you have “results”
but they’re not ground-breaking or bubble-bursting
it’s like “hey, this didn’t work, so don’t do this”

I think dreams, although they are somewhat of an escape from reality
sometimes they feel so real you thought they were actually  the real dealio
which sucks especially when you’re about to eat this amazing yumyum and you are and it tastes amazing then you wake up ohsosuddenly and whambamthankyoumam
you’re in bed and wondering what time of the night it is

however what sucks even more
is when these dreams play on your heartstrings
I wouldn’t bore you with the details of this particular dream
but it felt so real, it’s ridiculous
I mean, RI.DI.CU.LOUS!
those butterflies
that heartbeat
(ye this is a cheesy post, deal with it ha)
that fuzzy warm feeling
and I realise how much I miss having those feelings
I mean, fo’ real, fo’ real.

oh well.

noted.

When a bird is alive, it eats ants. When the bird is dead, ants eat the bird. One tree makes a million match sticks. Only one match stick needed to burn a million trees. Time and Circumstance can change at any moment. Do not devalue or hurt anyone in life. You may be powerful this time, but remember: Time is more powerful than you. So be good and do good.
—  The Buddha

oops-a-datey

So updates.
Remember that Hsua Wen Hua hair treatment I tried?
Well it’ll be unfair for me to give you a fair assessment since I am hopeless in keeping to a beauty regime so since this tub has an expiry date (yeah I know, it’s made fresh, that’s why), I’d have to “up” my game and be a bit more disciplined
Upon first try, I did it overnight, it’s kinda the same to be honest
Maybe that’s why they asked to do it consistently over the course of 6 weeks (I think)
Till next time
maybe.

***
Okay, this year has been, hmm to put it in a simple word that encompasses all the twists and turns of this first half of the 2014 rollercoaster ride, it’ll be ‘interesting’
and maybe, ‘different’
okay that’s two words, but whatchu gonna do? 
I have had friends over, like 4 times and it has been such a ball to have them over and just catch up over old times (and new times of course)
I have done things which I never ever would even think of doing 
nothing bad, just out-of-character
I am the shyest person in a big crowd so I tend to just find a corner and pretend I’m part of the wallpaper or something (in 3D, wut? #lame)

During our weekly seminars, we’d have question time, so usually the PIs/postdocs that’d be the one who would ask all the questions.
If you know me well, I never ask questions in class, like ever.
I had a teacher once in college who didn’t like me, because I didn’t ask anything in class
(yeah, weird I know, I know)
So last week, I actually decided there and then that hey, I need to start somewhere
if I want to make a positive change about myself for myself, I need to get the frack out of that shell/ivory tower
so yeah, I asked a question
The build up to the actual question-asking was so so so silly weird
like I could actually feel my heart pumping (in slow motion), I felt like I could feel the blood just rushing through my veins and my palms got sweaty and all
(no over dramatisation here okay? I am that much of a scaredy cat)
But like a band-aid, ripped it and done
And to show how much of a big deal it was, my boss actually congratulated me (lol)
Popped that cherry yay!

Onwards now, no looking back 🙂

***

I am very curious as to what the second half of this year might bring
I’ve got quite a few things lined up 
like my first conference! super excited for that
I hope it’ll go okay (which it will, *monologue*)

***

last but not least, WORLD CUP
I miss the times where I’d watch with my family at home, we’d all be sitting in front of the telly, picking sides and just watch the game 
One of the memories I had was when I was 10 (I think) and the final was between France and Brazil in ’98, I was struggling to keep myself awake to see the whole game
Guess what? 
I fell asleep and woke up to Ricky Martin’s song lol
France won (I was for Brazil heh)
This year, as you may already know, unless you live underneath a giant rock, it’s in Brazil
and thus, the time difference SUCKS
there’s a game Germany vs Portugal tonight, which I’d love to watch but I don’t think I’ll manage
Sokay, ada app boleh la track kan?
and I’ll just watch the reruns
Boo.

damn, that was a long post
dah namanya update kan?
😉