you were here today
you would probably be telling me about where I should go
what I should do
what I should look for
where you probably have been
back in the day

but you’re not
sometimes I feel I was robbed of your existence
there are a lot of empty spaces


T-2 days eep!


making bad choices in life doesn’t make one a bad person right?
provided of course they don’t repeatedly do it again and again



T – 4

shit just got real

T – 4 days and I still need to:

1. finalise my presentation (after having meeting(s) with the boss)
2. practice, practice, practice and nail this
3. suss out the transportation stuff (and activities woo) for west and east coast
4. PACK for “winter’s coming”
5. mudda breathe

yesterday I found myself beaming into the mirror because I can’t believe this is really happening

onwards and forwards.


I’m now living in the dark ages, is this even the correct term?
heck I don’t know
I have had no internet since last Friday at home (so Gen-Y I know right)
and would probably not have till I come back from my big trip this Dec (law and order’s dn dn)
So, good thing that the lab is open 24/7 and have so far kept me sane (again so Gen-Y)
But I have this presentation to do and having internet is really, really useful (as one would imagine)
jeez banyaknya parentheses
(deal with it)


so where am I at 830 pm on a Friday night?
at the labs feeding internet through my iv drip ha.
while staining my cells and running a gel
and downloading papers to read at home
and tryna make sense of my presentation 
how does one stuff 4 years of work in a 5 minute talk is beyond me at the moment
but am waiting for that ‘click’
this is why I say I am practically in a relationship already
just with something that is an inanimate entity which doesn’t love me back and more often than not, hurts me by being ohsofcking difficult
one way street loving weh.

It’s been a rough couple of weeks(months/years/who’s counting) tbh
up and down
more downs than ups sadly 
I’ve cursed more than I usually do, which is pretty much zilch
ever since I hit the 3 year mark..
let’s just say if I had a swear jar, I’ll be making it rain.
but I’ve been blessed with a seriously great support system 
so they keep me going and are there to pick me up every. single. time.
the love I have for them is (cheesybit) indescribable
so here’s to a crazy 8 months (or calm who knows at this point)

going off on a tangent
I just realised a couple of weeks ago (well, realised again)
that I have never fallen in love.
mom always told me that it’s better to love and lost than to never have loved
but then
it got me thinking
what if the pure emptiness from losing something as significant as falling in love is worse than ever knowing how it feels being in love?
that is of course, there is a void that is being filled if and when falling in love
I don’t believe in having someone to make oneself feel whole
I believe in making oneself whole first before letting yourself fall in love
and when you find that other person, it just kinda fits together
like a puzzle piece rather than a ‘fillintheblanks’ kinda situation
lol talk about fridaynight pillow talk (for one)(at the lab)

okay getting home by 10.30pm