snippets II

“it’ll be a year tomorrow”

“yeah, I know”

You know how they say, ‘things can change a lot in a year’
they got that right alright.
It felt like it happened yesterday
I can remember the exact details of every moment of those 24 hours
From the moment I found out;
where I knew something was wrong when there were more than too many missed calls/texts on my phone
the exact moment I found out
and how it felt like being hit by a train
riddled with guilt, regret, anger and sadness
I felt tricked because I didn’t see it coming
I was trembling
I was numb
I couldn’t think
and being the person that I am
I started making a list
I couldn’t trust my brain to be sane in moments like these

next thing I knew
I booked a one-way plane ticket and informed all the people I needed to inform
and just waited for that plane ride home
it was my first time I went with this carrier
but I couldn’t care less about the nerves
I just wanted to be home

I saw her amidst the crowd
and I just broke down
it felt so good to have that familiar hug
it felt like home after being away for so long
Turning into my street, I didn’t know what to expect
Some of my family members were there 
but the only two people I wanted to see were my mum and sister
There she was standing in the doorway and I can tell she’s been holding the fort for too long
It didn’t feel real
It really didn’t
The house felt different
I knew they were trying to be strong
but it was just too raw, too new, unchartered waters

“do you want to go see the grave?”
It took me quite awhile before I was ready
even that sentence still sounds odd
Seeing the grave for the first time was just in a word, heartbreaking
We’ve not always been on the best of terms
that’s family I guess
but he was a part of my life, a huge one for that matter
and it is a loss
and it does feel empty
gone are the days where the future will have this person
there are so many moments that I felt that we are being robbed of
but that’s life yknow
it changes without us expecting it and we, just need to adapt
It has been a long year
but it is getting better
and I am so grateful to have amazing people around me who have helped me up over and over again without tire

here’s to better days, moments and life.

“don’t grieve. anything you lose comes around in another form”  



snippets I

Sitting in front of the TV in my parents’ bedroom

while eating was probably a usual thing we do
Most nights would be a battle for the remote
But some nights when he wins, we would watch wrestling
It was then I knew of Triple H, the Undertaker, and my personal favourite, The Rock

“Ni makan ni”
as he hands me a bowl of cut-up fruits he would have brought back from his way back from the office
I was not exactly a fruit-eater before
more of a carnivore
But because the fruits were already cut-up – (yeah so diva kan)
Favourites include – ciku, jambu air, and starfruit


“Lisah get up”
as he shakes my legs (because I sleep like the dead) for school
Our house didn’t have running hot water
so he would boil water in a kettle and get the bath ready for me
(once again, so diva kan)


The other day, sometime last week
I went to a career session (yeah real shit starts soon) and they were discussing about mentoring
and I realised that he was my mentor
I remembered one time, I asked him to look over my draft letter for some official business and he basically butchered the whole thing
The only thing which was left was the part where I introduced myself
Anyways he guided me through interviews, letters, and pretty much one of the reasons where I am today


“ba is this papaya?”
“no it’s mamaya”

and his numerous lame jokes (I definitely got this trait from him)

I am not really not much of a cook (future hubs would need to eat bread all day errday)
but he definitely was (’cause he loves food)
best dishes
– nestum on the stove (like crack man)
– gulai itik with nenas (duck coconut stew with pineapple)
– codfish with coriander + soy sauce
– fried eggs with onions
– his amped-up maggi noodles

to be continued…

it is really true what they say
people might pass, but the memory lives on.


milky way (first one ever!)
mount donna buang
7th May 2016

I’ve always had a thing for astronomy
heck, being an astronomer was one of the “job options” I had
alongside other unrealistic ones like
– piano player in the orchestra and/or musician
– marine biologist
– songwriter
I absolutely love looking up at the stars at night, especially if it was pitch black and you could actually see the milky way, the first time I saw the milky way was during the trip I took to Central Australia and dayum, the sky was lit up
and it was a shame I couldn’t capture it at all with my G11 so mental picture was the way to go

fast forward to last Saturday morning
we drove up to Mount Donna Buang in the Yarra Ranges to catch the Aquarid meteor shower in hopes to see shooting stars
and wow, the sky put up a damn good show – it was amazing, humbling and was just surreal.
I got some settings off the net to play with my G11 and bam, I manage to friggin capture the milky way (!!!) and I could even capture shooting stars (yes, lucky af)
I didn’t have a tripod so I was using stacked up tupperware as a tripod (or shall I say tupperpod *ba dnk tss*) and it worked! 

[achievement unlocked]

other unwanted achievements milestones that night
– dapat saman speeding (tak laju pun)
– langgar batu, rosak kereta

so this month I am miskin AF

next shower is at the end of July so wanna definitely prepare for that one!
stargazeralliance lezgo