30-05-2015

‘Life is short’
a sentence I have heard more than a million times throughout my life but I guess I never truly grasped the true meaning of it

*
The dad and daughter duo were sitting just a few tables across from us
I could see them clearly (totally not stalkerish)
they ordered roti canai and their mamak-made drinks
and moments later
off they went

then another daddy-daughter duo
sat at the exact same spot
as if like deja vu
they too ordered roti canai
and just were having a usual daddy-daughter banter

These moments took me back
way back to once upon a time almost
things weren’t always like how it was
but as you would know, just like the weather
there were rainy days, stormy days and of course, days when the sun shone with all its might
as I grew older, I realised I wanted to be more like her, not him
I can’t really explain why
but it just is the way it was

fast forward to almost two months ago;
when it happened
I could still remember the day I found out as if it was yesterday
it was a sunny saturday and I thought nothing could go wrong
but right after the call
it felt like it stormed a thousand rains
nobody could have prepared for this
the day was a blur
I felt my hands trembling and I just broke 
and through the chaos
I struggled
to think about what has been and what could be
I felt instant regret
things and words I should have said and could have done
my brain was running on overdrive
like I said, nobody could have prepared for this

the plane ride home that night was probably the longest I have taken
I just wanted to get home
and just be home

present;
I went through his stuff
it was like a treasure trove
frozen in time
with memoirs from the yesteryears
and I realised that I am somewhat like him in more ways than one
one thing I found was a Father’s day card I gave to him years ago
and he still kept it till this day

I wished things could be different
better in a way or more
but everything happens for a reason
be it a blessing or a lesson

miss you and love you ba.
see you on the other side.

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