So the most frequently asked question towards me at this point of time, due to age and the general trend of getting the ring after getting a degree/job is of course, “bila you nak kahwin ni?” (when are you getting married?) 

and then I just either:
1. laugh/snort it off (the snort would be unintentionally of course) – I have done this more times than I will admit *insert awkward pose here*
2. use my F.A.A.(frequently answered answers), “hehe I’m not ready yet” or “takde calon lah” (the latter which is oh-so-true, them eligible bachelors are dwindling in numbers, rapidly)

In some low tides, it has occurred to me that I might be up and running for being the THE cat lady of my neighbourhood but in actual reality is that I am really not ready to go steady/have a relationship.
I quite recently realised that even though I am (at the mo) more than a quarter of a century old, I haven’t really found myself. I know roughly-ish what I want in life, that degree, a job that I have the most passion for, a good husband + family and most of all, to be happy and content with what I have. But really, how can I find someone, if I have not found myself yet. Sure, everyone is insecure about something in their life, in my case, there are a number of things.

So being a borderline-OCD-konon-organised person, I made a list *cue cheesiness*:

1. Each and everyone of us is unique in our own way. I am sure everyone has heard this fo sho’ but really, we do have our own strengths and our flaws, and what we need to do is recognise those strengths and work at our flaws. Try not to compare yourself with others, you are your very own special mix (maigod that was quite cheesy) but really, you will get there someday, somehow. 
2. Nobody is perfect, and we cannot expect ourselves to be perfect all the time. We are only human, humans make mistakes and well, learn from them. It is up to us if we are going to let those mistakes make us weak or, stronger.
3. Life is hard. no wait, scratch that, it is friggin’ hard. It just gets harder and harder with each twirl around that old globe of fire. Hard does not make it not do-able, it’s just like a video game, each level teaches you different things and probably shows you what you are most weak/strong at. But you get a number of lives (limitless sometimes) to just keep on trying when you get to a hard level (which reminds me, I am stuck on New Super Mario Bros, Donkey Kong and Yoshi’s Island – no, I am not a gamer, obviously). stuck is not forever.
4. Stop second-guessing yourself. So what if that boss/friend/guy does not like you, as long as you know truthfully that you are a good/responsible etc. person, than it’s their loss and most probably a blessing in disguise. 
5. Which brings me to numero cinco, always, always  be yourself. Don’t ever change a part of you, be it an interest, a feature, heck even a quirk, just to be liked. Be you. (bring the cheese grater, cause this one is full of cheese). You are the best at being you, why be someone else? 

I guess what I am trying to say is maybe we have to love ourselves just a bit more. I sure feel like I have to (probably, a lot more). So here’s to a brand spankin’ new year, and a new outlook about life. 
and here’s to finding yourself.


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