twinkle

Disclaimer: Cheesy, mushy, emo post ahead (not in that particular order mind you)



I want to go home
I want to play my piano
I miss opening the cupboard and taking out my piano books, playing songs syok sendiri for hours and hours
I miss having my mom or dad purposely sitting at the dining table just to hear me play and requesting songs
I miss nagging my sister to do a duet/collab together (she never agrees, apparently I’m not cool enough heh, must be the age gap lol)
For me, music is my escape
I love it when a song can bring back a memory, a moment of time, a feeling
I love love watching singing reality shows, especially the awesome auditions (not the I-want-to-be-famous-for-15-mins-so-let-me-act-like-a-fool ones)
There’s that twinkle in these amateur singers eyes when they sing and just living the dream, living the moment
You just know that they are really happy, they’re literally beaming
I think it’s amazing how you can actually see and feel it
It makes me feel all fuzzy inside heh.


I still don’t know what I’ll be doing but I really, really want that twinkle.

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I am forever hungry these days. It seems like the amount of things I snack on has a linear correlation with the amount of stress I’m having at the mo’. Three words I’ve been repeating to practically everybody is “This is crazy”, and three words that have been said to me more than I can count is, “You’ll be fine” (okay, so four words if you’re in pedantic mode). One word that my brain screams right after, “GAHHHHHH!”


dang son, this is crazy.

pep talk

You know how they say, to find who you want to be, just look at what makes you happy and content?
So okay,
I like making people happy
I like kids
I like arts and crafts
I like shopping
holy fruit loops, I want to be Santa Claus? Oprah? Ellen?
okay, that was beyond lame.
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It has been a very trying year, a very bipolar emotional rollercoaster
Sometimes I feel like I can take over the world (cue evil laugh) 
and sometimes (more often than not lately) I want to crawl into a hole and just cry my eyeballs out
I am, in a word, tired.
For the first time in my life, I have eyebags and dark circles!
I’ve never had either before.
I feel like this year has been the longest year I’ve had.
I lost myself a couple of weeks ago, even doubting myself, 
asking questions like, “why am I doing this?” or “why am I here?”
and later, “why the fudge am I complaining?”
I wanted this and I just need to realise that this is reality, this is how life is
I cannot let a string of disappointments bring me down
nothing is always perfect – this is how I’ll learn
just need to suck it up and soldier on
I hope know it will be all worth it in the end.


para mi familia.